The one where I wish i could trust people.
I wish I could trust people.
I love my family. My parents and my two brothers and my sister. They always look out for me and stick up for me, and they will always love me, no matter how much I screw up or how bitchy I am to them. And trust me. I can get quite bitchy, and I'vwe screwed up more than my fair share of times in my fifteen years.
But sometimes I wish I had a friend. Everyone I have ever trusted, (save one) outside of my family has betrayed me. Maybe not in a big way, but I have absolutely regretted it later. And what makes it worse is that I am everyone's diary. I know things about people that their proclaimed "best friends" don't know. And I can't get that connection of being a "best friend" because I don't confide in them. In their eyes I'm almost a mentor. I don't like getting down to people's levels. I am willing to admit that I'm an angry person and that I yell a lot, but I am never willing to admit that I'm vulnerable. I cry a lot in the privacy of my room. I am hurt by little comments. I dream of having a boyfriend who will hold me. I think I'm fat. I'm negative, I never think I can do anything. I doubt myself SO much. And I know everyone does. But they tell people and they have a support system. I don't.
-Maverick